


The world keeps spinning

by jorjasfenty



Category: Legacies (TV 2018)
Genre: F/F, One-Shot, posie - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-31
Updated: 2020-07-31
Packaged: 2021-03-06 04:00:24
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,391
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25636957
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/jorjasfenty/pseuds/jorjasfenty
Summary: How Josie Saltzman‘s world started spinning again, thanks to Penelope Parkorall the things she loved and hated.
Relationships: Penelope Park & Josie Saltzman, Penelope Park/Josie Saltzman
Comments: 8
Kudos: 79





	The world keeps spinning

Out of all the things I loved about you, there were still a handful that I hated.

I loved the day we first met. The first day after summer break, I was so excited to go back to school and learn new things. The entire morning I was all giddy, but when I saw you my breath hitched in the back of my throat. The sensation of your piercing eyes and the way the hazel color they had seemed so stunning in the morning sun. You instantly were a thorn in Lizzies side, but as soon as you smiled at me, my knees got weak at your chubby cheeks and your freckles. I was only 13 back then, not being able to understand the tingly feeling in my stomach or why my cheeks turned a hot red color whenever you smiled at me. We were so young.

I loved how it took us no time at all to become friends. I still remember the way my heart beat so much faster when you came up to me during lunch. You complimented me succeeding on trying a new spell in class earlier and for the first time, you made me feel seen.

I loved that as soon as the teacher announced that we'd have to work in pairs, your eyes instantly fell on me. M.G. was a bit annoyed, but as soon as I looked at him, he understood. He also understood why I couldn't say no to any dumb idea you had, even if it meant going out of my comfort zone. We often got in trouble for breaking the rules, but having a dad that's your own principle always had it's perks.

I loved the necklace you got me for my 14th birthday. I didn't understand what the tiny mirror stood for, but as soon as you explained it to me, I felt my heart beat faster. _Whenever you're not sure about something, Jojo, just look in the mirror and remember who you are. You're so much more than just somebody's shadow._

It was also the first time you used your new nickname for me and even though I never told you, the sound of it was something that held a special place in my heart.

I loved the adventures you took me on, even if it meant getting up in the middle of the night and sneaking out. You showed me what being free felt like. Lizzie got on my nerves because of our daily rendezvous, but as soon as one ended I couldn't help but be impatient for the next one. M.G. mocked me for not being able to shut up about you, but he once said that I looked at you the way he looks at Lizzie. He never mentioned it again, but I thought about it a lot. Everything was so confusing back then.

I loved the first time I made you blush. You were always the witty one, but when Lizzie told us „get a room, losers." because she couldn't stand us being all giggly. When I told her „I wouldn't mind." I saw your cheeks redden in the dim light of the kitchen. I think I replayed it in my head a thousand times. Making Penelope Park blush was one of my favorite sights since that day.

I loved how everyone knew what was going on between us but we didn't. As soon as something happened, I ran to M.G. to tell him and you ran to Hope. They were both so tired of our back and forth. We were both so oblivious to the fact that we were slowly falling in love. I slowly burned for you, the flame growing spreading through my body like a wildfire and on some days it became so unbearable that I almost told you everything.

I loved how every time we sat next to each other, our bodies commonly gravitated towards the other and we somewhat always touched. Knees, arms or hands brushing, the feeling of you being next to me made me feel warm. I always wondered if you could hear my heartbeat, because it rang so loudly in my ears whenever we sat like that.

I loved how you first asked me out. It was the first time I saw Penelope Park shy and awkward. I can't help but chuckle at the memory every time I think about it.

We sat in your room because you invited me over to watch a movie. We didn't spent our usual time to pick one, you just clicked on something that looked acceptable. Halfway through the horrible movie you suddenly sat up and clicked pause. I heard your long sigh. "Is something wrong?", I asked. I never told you, but I was so afraid in that moment. Afraid, that you found out how I really felt about you. That this was the moment you would end our friendship, telling me that you did not feel the same way about me. I prepared for the worst. I noticed how your eyes never met mine. "Can I ask you something, Jojo?", you asked, fiddling with your fingers. "Mhm" I murmured, because the lump in my throat wouldn't have made it possible to actually speak. "I wondered..maybe..if I-, you know, I could take you out?", you said and the way you stuttered made my heart flutter. Everything in that moment made my heart flutter. "Like on a date?", you added and I couldn't contain my massive grin. And for the first time that night, you looked directly into my eyes. "I would really like that, Pen." The nickname just slipped, but I knew you loved it, because you told me a few days after. The happiness we both felt that night was so contagious that even Lizzie couldn't help but smile when I told her about our date the next day.

And I loved our first date. You organized this amazing picnic at the lake. I didn't even care about touching all of the food, because I couldn't stop staring at you. I told you how even Lizzie was excited for us, but I didn't tell you how it took me three hours and several meltdowns to get ready. The hours we spent that evening are some of the best of my life and only three dates later they lead to something I could never forget. I don't know why, but you seemed to have a habit of taking steps further while we watched movies, so as we were cuddled up in my bed you tilted your head sidewards and I swear my breath stopped right there. The flicker of the TV fell perfectly on your beautiful lips and when they met mine, I spaced out. The kiss was hot and nervous, I think I forgot how breathing worked because when we stopped, I felt so dizzy. You looked at me with the biggest smile on your lips and leant forward so our foreheads touched. "I've been dreaming about this moment forever." I think we spent the entire rest of the movie kissing.

I loved the day you asked me to be your girlfriend. It was only two days after we first kissed. You convinced me to ditch class, which took you about 15 minutes, but as I saw your adorable pout I eventually had to give in. You took my hand and lead me to the pavilion in the garden. We sat down on its steps as you told me to close my eyes and when I did, you took my hand and opened it. "open your eyes, Jojo." I saw the letter in my hands. "Can you read it right now?" I frowned. "Can't you just tell me what's in it?" "Just read it.", you said softly and the fact, that you didn't have the courage to speak these worlds out loud, THE Penelope Park being shy once again, made my heart mealt the same way as you asked me out the first time.

Dear Jojo,

You're reading this letter because I couldn't ask you this face to face. I am such a fool for you, you know that?So tell me, do you want to be my girlfriend?

If you don't want to that's totally fine but please be nice about it.

Your Pen

I couldn't help but grin. You were so impatient as you tapped your fingers on the stairs. "Sooo..?", you asked as I didn't answer straight away, but honestly I didn't because I needed to process the fireworks going off in my body right then. And when I swung my arms around you and kissed you like it was the end of the world and you laughed. „I guess that's a yes?"

„I've been waiting for this, silly. Of course it's a yes."

I loved the weeks after. Every time we said goodbye, you gave me a kiss. Every single kiss took my breath away. No matter where we were, you took my hand and intertwined your fingers with mine. Penelope Park made sure everyone knew I belonged to her. I loved to be yours. Being yours meant waking up to sweet messages, breakfast in bed or the cutest sleeping face I have ever seen. It meant feeling safe, even if you weren't by my side and it also meant fireworks going off whenever I thought about you. Being your girlfriend meant having the privilege to call you mine. And I loved every single minute of it.

I loved the first time I told you that I loved you. We were on our way to the nearby lake with our friends. It was one of the hottest days that summer. We hung back because you told me you didn't want to break into a sweat. So as we walked through the woods, hands intertwined and you made me laugh, it just slipped. "Oh Pen,", I giggled. "god..I love you."

And you immediately stopped. I was worried it was too soon for me to say something like that, but it was true. I loved you. I had for a long time. And as you stood there, a faint smile on your lips, I couldn't help but love you even more. "You don't have to say it back, babe.", I said. "But I really mean it. I love you."You pulled me closer and whispered in my ear. "I love you too, Jojo. You don't know how long I've been waiting to tell you." The rest of the day went by like a dream to me.

I loved how you made me feel so save when we had sex for the first time. I knew that I was your first and you knew that you were mine. I always thought the first time would be messy and awkward, because that's what Lizzie told me. But when we undressed one another in the dim candle light, the slow rnb song playing in the back and your hot hands cupping my face as you told me you loved me. I felt save when we kissed and I felt you with every inch of my body. You stroked my hair and kissed that one spot right above my collarbone, our legs intertwined and our bodies all sweaty.

I loved how you were my first in so many ways.

Out of all the things I loved about you, there were still a handful that I hated.

Our relationship seemed to be perfect on the outside. We were that annoyingly perfect couple and the thought, of us not being together was unimaginable. It was never your or my future, it was ours. We spent hours talking about the life we would had, dreaming about New York and L.A. in between hot kisses and cuddling up in your bed. Talking about dreams and ways we would make long distance work when you'd study in a city 10 hours away from me.

But every facade had its cracks and so did ours.

I hated how I felt torn between you and Lizzie. You were the two most important people in my life and always seemed to get a long barely, but it worked for a while. Then you began questioning everything my twin sister did and I couldn't help but stand on her side. It wasn't that I didn't want to stand on yours, I really did. But some part of me felt obligated to stand by the person I could literally share oxygen with.

I hated how it drove us apart. You practically begged me to start taking care of myself. But I couldn't. I wanted to, for you. But living in the shadow for all these years, stepping out of it was easier said than done. Maybe I could have tried harder, but Lizzies comfort might have been the thing that hold me back. I loved you, Penelope. I really did. But I also loved my sister. But loving both of you didn't seem to work.

So the days went by. We fought a lot. I was so tired and I knew you were too. Everyone around us could see it, but again, we couldn't.

I hated the back and forth. It seemed like an endless spiral of regret.   
  
  


Until you had enough of it. Usually, we couldn't take our hands off each other. But on this day, we sat on different sides of my bed, a little too far away. And I knew what was coming, because I saw the tears swell up in your eyes. I couldn't stop myself from crying as well.

"I don't want to do this, Jojo.", you sobbed. "But we can't go on like this anymore and we both know it." The pain in my chest was starting to be unbearable.

„I love you so much, I really do. But you have to start taking care of yourself. I can't wait around anymore. The thought of not being with you hurts so fucking much, but watching you hurting yourself while being by your side hurts so much more."

Your words were like knives. But I knew they were true.

  
Our breakup wasn't a messy one. It was something we both needed.But I still knew it would take me a long time to get over. I wasn't sure if I'd ever get over you.

I hated the months after.

I hated how we didn't speak anymore.And I hated how Lizzie convinced me that you were a bad person.

But I knew you weren't. Deep down, I always knew. But it felt like you weren't here to catch me and Lizzie didn't catch me either, but at least she noticed that I was falling.But she wasn't the only one. You noticed too. But I couldn't see it.

And I hated how I projected my love for you into hate. Lizzies endless seeming complaining about you was hard to listen to, but I got used to it. What I never got used to was seeing you in the corridors and not smiling at you like I always used to. Like we always used to.

I knew you broke up with me so I would start taking care of myself. But I didn't. Not because I didn't want to, but because I simply didn't know how.

The day Raf arrived I knew you were jealous and I hated it, because there was no reason you should be. I was always yours.I couldn't get the stupid wink you gave me out of my head the entire day. 

I hated how your smile faded away as our eyes met at the party. You looked so good that night. In that moment, I just wanted to be selfish. Selfish enough to talk to you. But I couldn't. Lizzie needed me.

I hated how you messed with my head later that night. The sight of you and M.G. was the worst I could have expected. I felt so betrayed.My anger took over and I burned your hair the following day. I hated how I wasn't afraid that something might happen to you.

  
I hated even more how good you looked with your short hair. If I had been selfish enough I would have told you.

I hated how you didn't care that your words also affected me. I knew you were always trying to get on Lizzies nerves, but you never considered my feelings. So when you indicated that Hope was more important to my father than his own daughters, it hurt. The tone in which you said it hurt even more.

I hated how right you were when you gave us the third option to win the game. So when I told you "we definitely didn't ask for your opinion", I only did it because it's what Lizzie would have said.Except that she agreed with you. And I was left dumbfounded. I knew you believed that we could win. It kind of made me proud. 

I hated how you wanted to ruin Lizzies chances at going for honor council. But I also knew you were right about her not being a good candidate. But we were so deep into this hate game that I would have never admitted that. I couldn't back down.But I also hated how you flustered me with a word such as 'low'. After all, every part of me ached for your touch. Sometimes I'd lay in my bed thinking about the way your nails used to sink into my skin and the way your hot breath felt against my lips. 

I hated how you weren't the selfish coward Lizzie portrayed you to be. Everything you did that day, you did it for me. You made me feel seen. It made my heart skip a beat, like the stupid finger guns and the wink you gave me. I took my place in honor council with pride, but I couldn't show it. Not too soon after I would be in the shadow again, so there was no need to celebrate the light that you gave me.

I hated that I thought you had good intentions on my 16th birthday. You only wanted to take a shot at Lizzie and you didn't even care about hurting me. I knew that you loved my mother and you also knew what she meant to me. But you didn't care.

That's why I said no to your offer to escort me. I always dreamed about you being my escort on my sweet sixteen. But I couldn't get my head to say yes, even though my heart said it in a million ways.

"So when are you gonna take care of you?", stung a little extra that day.

"Is there someone special?", stung a little bit more. I wish I could have told her about my beautiful girlfriend. Except you weren't my girlfriend anymore.

M.G. told me as soon as you heard I was being in danger, you ran to go find me. I was so happy when he told me, but I couldn't tell you.

I hated myself for getting weak knees at your words.

"This world needs the selfless and the selfish to keep spinning.

I happen to be the latter."

When you kissed me, I fell in love with the way your lips felt on mine all over again. The way your lip tugged on mine, your unsteady breathing and your hand in the crook of my neck.

I hated how I couldn't read your eyes.

"I hate you." I didn't really mean it.

"I know." I guess you knew.

The weeks after our kiss were weird. I couldn't stop thinking about you and I hated myself for it.

I hated you for it.

I was going around in circles, guess that's how you felt before we broke up.

I hated how I couldn't get myself to read the letter you gave me the day of the talent show.

But I loved how nervous you were.

"Make sure you read it in private.", the way your bottom lip trembled. I used to think it was the cutest thing in the world. Maybe it still was. "I'm not gonna read it at all." And I didn't.

I hated how it took me to be infected with a stupid slut to do what I should have months ago. You looked so good in that suit. "I thought you were avoiding me."

"I was. I mean, I am."

"You're not doing a very good job."

"Maybe I am sick of always doing a good job." And I meant it. I was sick of always trying to be perfect. Always trying to fit in.

"You wanna get out of here?"

The fact that you instantly dropped everything to be with me. You weren't infected in that moment, I knew. I hated the way I still was like a drug in your system you couldn't get out.

I hated how you were the bold one after all.

"You can't just tell me what it says?"

Again and again. The way our lips always seemed to fit so perfectly. The faint smell of the perfume I loved so much. The softness of your lips and how they gave me that tingly feeling. I hated it all.

"That's what was in it." I hated how much I missed that soft tone in your voice.

"You know that we're never getting back together right?"

The day of Miss Mystic Falls. I hated how I couldn't say yes when you asked me to "binge watch and chill."

I hated the vulnerability in your eyes when I told you I would help Lizzie win by sabotaging the pageant.

I hated how you convinced M.G. to let you be my escort. It was something I always dreamed about when we were together. You always said you thought the pageant was misogynistic, but for my sake you'd escort me.

I hated that you proved me once more that we worked so well together, when you caught me when I tripped. Maybe you were the one who was supposed to catch me all along. I thought you didn't notice, but you knew I was falling.

"Don't ruin this for me."

"For you or for Lizzie?" You were so right.

I hated how you knew that I wanted to win.

"I think we should talk about how you really feel about this."

I hated how you spied on me and everyone with your stupid pens. I hated how you didn't consider how I would feel about that. You, secretly reading the things I wrote in my journal. They were mostly about you. I hated that.

"You're stuck with me." I hated how even after all the things I said to you, you'd still catch me.

"Josie you're so much better than that." I hated the disappointment in your voice.

"I know that Lizzie doesn't think you could win but..I do."

I hated how you still believed in me. Even everything I have done. Never putting myself first.

I hated how your smile made my world melt. And I hated how I couldn't put myself first. After everything you did.

"What are you gonna do if I'm not here to fight for you anymore?" I hated how I didn't read the signs. Not one of them.

"What that's supposed to mean?"

"You wanna know? Read the letter."

I hated how it took the idea of loosing you, to realize that Lizzie was being selfish all along. Using me for her benefit.

And I hated how the tears burned in my ears and I couldn't stop them. Salty tears, smudging your neat handwriting. Every word felt like a slap in the face. I hated how I knew this was it.

"You weren't gonna say goodbye?" I hated that.

"I did. In my letter." I hated that I took me so long to read it.

"Which I'm guessing you finally read."

"Belgium?"

"My mom got a job. And there's a great witch only school. So, I don't have to deal with wolves or vamps..or Lizzie."

"Penelope..don't leave." I hated how I swore myself to be strong but as soon as the words left my mouth my voice began to tremble.

"You know for weeks, I had been hoping that you would give me one reason to stay. Instead you gave me a thousand reasons to go."

"Losing on purpose, always putting yourself second...my heart can't take it and I will not wait around and watch what happens to you next." I hated how I never realized that everything you did was for me.

I hated how once again you were the only truly honest person, the reason I found out about the merge. The thought of how you must have felt, it still breaks my heart.

"One day, you will understand everything I did." I hated how weak your voice was. The hurt in your eyes. Both of us trying to fight back our tears but not succeeding. You brought your hands up to my face to wipe the tears and our foreheads touched. I hated how I didn't know that it would be one of the last times our lips would touch. I always loved kissing you. But I hated it that night, because I knew it meant goodbye.

"I love you, Jojo." I hated how safe I felt in your arms. I wished I could forever live in that moment. I wish I would have said it back. Because I loved you in that moment and I still do.

"I love you, with all of my obnoxious, selfish, evil heart."

And I hated how you walked away from me and I couldn't do anything. It was too late.

I still hate me for it. For driving you away. I can't help but think that you are the one that got away. And I hate that you broke yourself to help me realize that I wasn't living for myself.

But you are the reason I am selfish now. And the world keeps spinning.

I love you for it.

•

Hey,

this is the second time I wrote something this year. It's been a few years, so excuse my skills. It was pretty fun to write this one-Shot though.

-N


End file.
